Dinner Dilemmas
by Divinyl
Summary: A Joy Luck Club fan fiction. Rose is lost to herself and Ted is at the end of his rope - an insight into their tumultuous relationship. DISCLAIMER: Characters are not mine, I am merely playing in their world.
1. Rose

"**Honey what's wrong…did I say something wrong?"**

Oh god, he looks miserable…why can't I make him happy? I feel like I've failed him as a wife. I don't understand how or why, when I have devoted so much time and energy into being the perfect wife. Why can't he see that I have been trying so hard, for so long, in so many different ways? Is it because he's ashamed of me? I never wanted Ted to be embarrassed in front of his colleagues for choosing to marry the daughter of Chinese immigrants, instead of a wealthy high society girl. _What do you want from me?_ Haven't I proven to you and your family that I can fit into your world? _What more could you possibly ask?_ I gave you a beautiful daughter and I've sacrificed the best of myself. Piece by piece, I gave away small parts of me to be more accepted. Why can't Ted see how much I love and need him? Can't he see that everything I do, I do for him, for us, for our family? How did we end up here?

Somewhere, in the deeper recesses of my mind, I know that a part of me already knows the answer. But I'm petrified of losing him. So I just keep pushing myself. I don't allow myself to dwell for too long in my thoughts, out of fear of what answers I may find. I busy myself with the day-to-day runnings of the house. The little things that wives do to show our love. Things like deciding what to cook for dinner and choosing Ted's clothes and laying them out each morning. In a way, I'm just going through the motions, prolonging what we both know is inevitable. Anything to avoid acknowledging how far we have drifted apart, how hopeless any future for our marriage looks…


	2. Ted

"**I mean I'd like to hear your voice! Even if we disagree…You used to be different"**

Rose intrigued me from the moment I first laid eyes on her. She was different to the other girls I knew, she was beautiful but she had an aura about her. She was intense. Rose had inner strength and strong opinions that she wasn't afraid to voice. And I? I was like a moth to her flame.

I loved absolutely everything about Rose, her fire, her smile, her forthrightness and most of all her honesty. In those early days, I loved looking into her eyes and hearing the sophistication of her thoughts. I knew without any doubt in my mind that this remarkable woman was the ones with whom I wanted to share the rest of my life.

But now, everything that made Rose so unique is gone. Somewhere along the way in our marriage, Rose changed, and now I barely recognise this meed stranger I am married to. I've tried reaching out to her, tried asking her, what's wrong? But she does not answer me. Why did she change? Why won't she let me in? She has become an empty vessel…a husk of her former self and my pleas fall on deaf ears.

I want to scream in protest and tear down this unbearable wall of silence that has grown between us! Even arguing would have to be better than these awkward silences! I wish I knew what to do so that things could return to the way they were at the beginning.

Rose, when I married you I never thought you would change. I never expected you to become just another carbon copy corporate wife. I never wanted you to be anything other than yourself. Why can't you see after all this time that I love you…for you?

For god's sake Rose please…talk to me! I've lost you. I see you every day, but you are as distant to me as the horizon. Why have you shut me out? I still love you, and I love our daughter, but I cannot keep holding onto memories forever. I need you to come back to me.


	3. Lost and Found

**DISCLAIMER: None of the characters are mine, I am merely playing with them!**

**Lost and Found**

The morning before I was to see Ted, to discuss dissolving our assets, my mother told me my grandmother's story. After hearing it, I felt inspired and empowered for the first time in years. That dormant part of me that had lain quiescent for so long was reawakened. I now knew that I had to reclaim my independence to prove my self worth.

Reflecting back, I realise now how much of my married life was driven by my own insecurities and an overwhelming sense of worthlessness. The seed of insecurity was planted in my mind the day Ted introduced me to his parent's and it grew until it permeated every corner of my mind. Despite all of my best intentions to remain true to myself, I was paralysed. The ironic part in all of this was that Ted never asked me to do any of this. All I managed to achieve in my quest to be the perfect wife, mother and hostess was unhappiness for my family and I.

I don't know what my future holds, or even if Ted will be in it, but I know that I need time along right now to rediscover myself again. I feel optimistic and strong again and I know that I will be able to teach my daughter what her worth is, through the changes I will make in our life. I feel free and whole again, ready to pursue the dreams I so long ago set aside. Tomorrow I am going to look into applying to study Fine Arts. Whatever happens in my future, I now know that nothing will ever hold me back or keep me silent again.


End file.
